Last Man Standing....

Today (12-Apr-09 : 10PM IST) was Nanaji's last day with his children... Am not in the frame of mind to write anything more...

Time gone by ...

Circa 1998... out of school, taking the first steps into the college life... Seems like yesterday, seems likes ages ago. Meeting a new set of people other than the chosen and cherished few within the confines of the school walls. From being a kid, turning into a young adult.

Circa 2002... out of college, taking the first steps into the professional life... Stepping into the corporate world as one of the 'worker ants' from among the millions in the ant-hill... Learning the ropes as a baby learns to crawl, talk, walk... From being a minor to an adult.

Circa Sep 2008- 10 years since school ended, 6 years into the rat-race of the urban world, I prod on... Sure of the friends I made, the acquaintances I keep, the names I remember, the faces I miss, the bonds I cherish, the places I travel... but, still unsure of where my destination lies.

It's been a roller-coaster of a decade, filled with laughs, tears; of moments of anguish, pleasure; beautiful memories, ugly situations; bad decisions, good riddance; of wishes that came true, of desires that went down the drain...

Looking back at the time gone by, feels how much I have changed from that boy who stepped out of the confines of school, of college, of home... and even though the rebellion in me always wanted to be out in the open... the child, the boy, the kid in me still yearns to return to it even today...

Love is...

... an eternal gift
... a precious treasure
... a pious emotion
... an epic
... life
... blind

... the feeling of being in utopia.
... the warmth of a hug.
... the sensitivity of a peck.
... a partnership
... a bond for life
... an indescribable feeling

Rakshabandhan...

... the circle of protection encapsulated in the strings of trust and love tied on the hands of a brother by his sister(s). A utopian embodiment to the human emotions expressed in bright, colorful threads to celebrate the comraderie shared by siblings.

Wish my sisters hadn't forgotten about me on this day atleast...

Life is ...

... a game
... beautiful.
... a mystery.
... an enigma.
... short.
... complex.
... simple.
... a journey.

... for you to live once.
... the beating heart in a mother's womb.
... the sleeping head in your arms in bed.

... slipping away from you every second.

Down with conniving hyenas (PM)

Yeh hai meri kahani...

Reclining in the apartment in Skokie, IL. Thinking of nothing but everything. Listening to the song that goes by the title of this blog... Wondering about the importance of my existence in this world...

Think am a loner by nature. People tried hard to get up-close and personal with me, but I everytime denied them access beyond a certain point...

Is this behaviour by nature or by instinct? I guess by inhibition...

Life's too short to be allowed to be spent idling around ;
Life's too long to be spent idling around alone ;
Life's too simple to be able to idle around ;
Life's too complicated to be unscrambled by an idle mind...

Yet, life goes on...

Ab tak chappan(56)

Jai Hind !!

Wishing all the citizens and brethren of the Sovereign Democratic Republic of India another year of prosperity on this 57th year of being a Republic.

Sitting here in the US, just got off the phone speaking to my relatives back home... Missing the Republic Day parade of Delhi... During my days in Delhi used to watch the parade with fervor with family, then once I shifted base to BLR used to enjoy it on the television... But this year was unable to watch it at all....

Watching the parade over the years renewed my sense of pride and belonging to a country of diversities. The cultural variance, the religious harmony, the mingled babble in a variety of languages / dialects, the vagaries of climatic conditions from snow covered mountains to the sand lagoons of the Thar. From the extreme continental climate in Northern India to the Mediterranean experience in the coastal areas.

Above all, the 'atmosphere' of being in India is totally unique. Being in any part of it, makes you feel at home... The place, the environment and everything gives you a sense of camaraderie.

Wanna be there... but life has other plans for me for now....

Bharat mata ki jai !!!

Happy Birthday Bike

One year back, on this day I purchased myself a Honda bike. The first vehicle from my own hard-earned money. I celebrate today missing the grip and the thrill I used to get by riding it...

Used to be great fun driving it around in the dark nights in the cool breeze. Getting drenched on it in the rain... A black beast tamed only by me, till a few months back. Had to part with it when I moved to US...

Memories keep me connected to it, as I plan to get myself a 4-wheel drive here... My first drive on it, the long excursions to scenic places... It too remembers the 1st female who sat on its seat ;) The 1st hard-brake it made on the same trip... ;) The speed with which it used to roam the roads of BLR...

Now, the bike is enjoying the Delhi weather... in the hands of my brother PB.

Saturday Night

'Hello, I just called to talk...' - a line most of us have experienced in our lives.

Some are unlucky enough to spend their nights together and hence miss the ecstasy:
of having to hold an inanimate object to your ears for hours together, speaking sweet nothings into the mouth-piece ;

of waiting for the tinkering of the bell in the middle of the night to wake you up out of your 'sleep' ;
to listen to the voice of the 'person' ;
to feel and enjoy the pain of not being able to be close to them ;
to long for a meeting with him / her ;
to prioritize 'them' more than your sleep...

My Saturday nights had been largely spent cozily in my bed till the very recent times. With the advent of the mobile, you were available all the times and receiving / giving calls at late hours became more and more common.

An ode to my Granny - SB

October 26, 2005

She sang lullabyes to me when I was a kid, she made 'besan ke ladoos' for my brother PB when we visited her from Calcutta (and later also), she made lemon peel pickle (nimbu ka lachedar, paani waala achar) for us during summers.

It was her who knitted the sweaters for me and my brother for the cold winters of Delhi. It was her who wished the best for us always. Her blessings were with me during my exams, my college days and the day I left for Bangalore to join the rat race.

Her smiling face, her serenity and wise guidances are things which will be missed a lot. Although she breathed her last today, she stil lives in the hearts of her husband, her kids, her grand-kids and her grand-grand kids.

Long due memorial from my side to my Granny.

The final countdown ...

Just 7 or 14 days more in Bangalore before I depart for US. Got so much to do, so many things to settle, to clear, to initiate, to end... (listing below is in random order)

Bike - Need to get my bike transferred to Delhi. PB will use it there.

Other stuff, AB's stuff - Need to sell-off my other things. Planning to sell this recent all-time friend (laptop) here. Also, give my Nokia 6585 CDMA mobile to mom. Would need to clear the phone of all traces of use ;) Need to sell / transfer AB's stuff to Delhi.

Accounts - Need to balance out monetary accounts with everyone. Don't want to leave with any financial strings on my back.

Relations - Need to sort out things with a few people. Need to initiate some communication channels. Need to gather/capture all the love, memories and moments with the ones I love to keep me company in days of solitude.

Complete and send my ISB application. Believe in my selection for the next year's course.

Need to prepare myself for the change. Not only in my life but in others. Things are not going to be the same anymore. No more late night calls, no more long hours of talking on anything and everything.

What'll remain is just the cherished moments of people I know, of friends I have, of love and of hate that I leave purposefully, to pursue goals in my life.

Hello... get married !!

Just received a call from Mom. She's in Indore these days, visiting cousins. Nowadays, we are 2 brothers (AB and me) who are of 'marriagable' age in the family.

So, both my Mom and my cousin sister are after him to get married. But while bantering in that city, they remember me and pronto give me a buzz. It's 0100 hrs in the night, but they are not bothered, rather want to 'pull my leg' in the spur of the moment.

First on-line comes AB himself. Says, Mom has brought snaps of 4 girls with her. I say yea, as if that was possible in the wildest dreams... She roaming the country with snaps of her son's would-be's. Anyways, I avert the discussion.

Next on-line comes my sister BB. She married some 14 years ago at the tender age of 19. Yes, it was a love-marriage into a punjabi family. She's a mother of 2 angelic daughters now. She asks me about my preferences. Somehow I dodge her volley of rapid-fire questions. In the end, she asks me to give her 'timely updates' on this frontier of my life. [No comments]

Last, is Mom herself. I tell her that she already has a scape-goat in front of her (in the form of AB), so she should spare me. She agrees. So fast, so sweet of her.

But the fact remains... life's running at a fast pace. And, I need to keep abreast of it at all times.

Movies, Little Masti, No Magic ...

This could be the week when I saw the maximum number of movies in a span of 3 days (net). Went to watch 'Salaam Namaste' (the live-in relationship based movie) on Wednesday as part of our quarterly project party... Finished that day with a dinner @ Angeethi (a treat by my current PM, RB, for his recent job band change).

Visited my cousin brother SB and his family on Saturday evening. Stayed over for dinner with them. Went to a place called 'Leo's' - near their residence. Pathetic food. Sloppy service. Inhospitable environs for having a decent meal. But anyways, finished the a-la-carte ordered. Dropped them back home and collected some DVD movies from him to watch on Sunday.

Returned @ midnight. Started watching 'Bunty aur Babli' - the second latest presentation from the YRF stables. Must say, it's a nice comedy. Enjoy it after switching off your brains for the duration and you'll have a laugh or two definitely. Finished watching it @ around 0400 hrs Sunday morning...

Got up @ 1100 hrs... Nothing much to do. Did my weekly laundry. Had a late lunch. The MSO cable operators are on strike since yesterday evening, so started my second movie... This time it was 'The Last Samurai'. A brilliant movie to say the least. A pretty good storyline, amazing cinematography, brilliant direction and some exceptional performances by Tom Cruise and company...

Well, went for a stroll (using my feet for a change) in the evening, alone. Spoke to a couple of people while returning... Brought myself up-to-date with them...

Planned to watch my 3rd flick 'Sarkar', but unfortunately the audio's not audible due to some driver problems... So thinking of watching 'Musafir'. Got some bad reviews about it from PC. So not too keen on it, but a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do (especially when he has nothing else to do) ;)

Happy 3rd B'day to myself ...

Sep 30, 2002 - the day I joined my current company; my first company; my then dream company, as an employee for the first time in my professional life... and embarked on this new phase in my life.

The journey's been eventful. It's taught me many things. Some the easy way, some the hard. Am still learning many. All in all, I have enjoyed it a lot.

Joined in a batch of approx 250 freshers. People just out of college. Most of them relocating for the first time, away from their families, to work. The minds were fresh, the minds were inquisitive. The minds were a bit timid. Time taught us all to be bold, to be un-afraid, to face the realities of life without support. Just as a baby learns to walk, we too, mastered the ropes. Won't say that we are now the black-belts of the game, but yes, we are much more aware of things than we were then.

3 years have passed. Life has changed. Life is stagnant...

Still, the event calls for celebrations. But, alas, there's no one to party with. None to even share this moment with. Is this life?

Life's expected to be better...

Third Eye vision

Some off-the-shelf musings, for all or none to answer...

i) How easy is it for you to 'let go'?

As per some of my acquaintances, it's a walk in the park...

ii) How steadfast are your opinions / likings about someone? Do you change them like you change your socks?

Presumably, some people do...

iii) Are friendships like nail-polish? One day it's a rage and talk of the town, the next day it's in the trash-can, forgotten forever?

For a few among us, this might be their rule of life.

Let me know your views...

Booze night

Just came back from a booze party. Thought of scribbling down a few words.

Been ages since I had tasted any liquor. Had received a call from an office colleague to join him and his friends for a small night out on the occassion of his natural birthday.

Joined them at 2200 hrs IST. The gathering went on for a good amount of time... Had fun. The comments from some people struck hard. Made me realize that I need to analyze my current standing in life and take pro-active steps to improve / appreciate it's value.

Change is the only constant

Still remember the days when I used to chat with friends into the wee hours of the morning...

Talking about any and every thing 'under the moon' ... life, future plans, probable girl-friends, people etc. etc. Discussing strategies for succeeeding in life. Having a ball of a time together and not feeling the pinch of staying away from home.

How times change... and with time, change people. I changed a lot since I left my home. They changed a lot since they left their home. People mature, people grow out of relationships... but somewhere in my heart I believe that friends remain there for each other...

Read a blog of one of my pals, get the feeling that something's not right in his part of the world with him... and though he still tries to remain ecstatic and playful towards life, I know he's just pretending. Just wish him fast and full recovery... and just want him to know that even though we might not have been in touch for long, he still is my friend.

Let's not make distance the excuse for not keeping in touch ...

This blog is dedicated to the spirit of eternal friendship...

Me, myself and my pals

Been ages since I 'spoke' to anyone. All my support pillars have re-positioned themselves - in search of better avenues; in pursuit of better opportunities; in acts of self-reliance; in attempts to re-align themselves to reality...

These are not just words but actual explanations of the actions initiated by them over time sometimes out of compulsion; sometimes out of situations and sometimes out of sheer childish behaviour.

Don't rather can't blame them for being self-centric. After all this is all part of the game for self-sustenance... But the fact of the matter is that I miss them.

Hope they miss me too.

Ganpati Bappa Maurya

Today was a break from work on account of ‘Ganesh Chaturthi’ – the birth day of Lord Ganesha. Did nothing unusual. Had to meet up with my brother RB and his fiancée for lunch, but the rain played spoil-sport. Just as I was about to leave for the rendezvous, it started pouring heavily. Called up my brother and cancelled the meet.

One of my cousin sisters, GB, who got married last December and is expecting in February next year, had come down to visit her parents (my maternal aunt and uncle). Went to meet them and stayed over for dinner. FYI... was the 1st brother to visit her after marriage @ her in-laws place in Chennai. She’s gone into a good family. Am really happy for her. She’s got a caring husband and sweet in-laws.

Returned in the nick of time, as it has again started raining heavily. Later, KS came over to show me some snaps from Germany. Europe is actually quite scenic, is what I gathered from the snaps. A must-visit for all the die-hard romantics or honey-mooners (as conveyed by another friend of mine PB currently visiting Amsterdam and places around)

Day after is the release of a movie whose theme is based on a live-in relationship - an entirely new concept being introduced to the hoi polloi in India. Coincidently, I had a discussion on the same topic with PB yesterday. She’s been brought up in a highly conservative family in India.
Her value systems are archaic compared to the current global culture emerging over the globe.
Am not criticizing or analyzing things here, but just stating the facts matter-of-factly. Tried easing the culture shock she’s experiencing on her trip. Don’t know whether I did the right thing – as in whether I had the right to influence her, but I did it with a feeling of righteousness…

The H1 saga

Updating the blog after a long gap... Was waiting for some news to actually update this memoir with.

So here goes... 25th Aug 2005 - the day the American on the other side of the sealed window, said to me, "Please pay the stamping fees @ counter #1". This is how I and maybe countless others have been told that their H1B is now a reality...

The scene was different last year. Till then, people working in the top-notch IT forms of India just needed to interact with their HR departments and submit their documents whilst sitting in the comfort of their cubicles. Then came 9/11, which altered the way things worked.

Now, every aspirant to the US has to visit the consulate and first record himself / herself in the American database of humans (by giving them their fingerprints), then get interviewed and approved (for the lucky ones) for their respective visas.

The interview in itself was short. Nothing major asked. Guess, my work experience and the company I came from had an influence on that...
I say so cos I saw people being gruelled thoroughly on the other windows... some trying to justify their reason for an American education, some for visiting the country to meet their beloved ones, some for proving their marital status... The reasons were endless, bu so was the swiftness of the interviewers in respnding with a negative.

They were right in their stand, while the Indians were correct in theirs... but explaining the point to the person in a 'foriegn language' (for most) in a short span of 15 minutes was demanding to say the least for the rejectees.

Anyways, my stay inside the embassy was short, and not a disappointing one. I tried to take the approval in the stride and casually walked outside the consulate to catch a 'rick' to return to the company guest house (GH) to spend the rest of the day before catching the train back to Bangalore.

To my utter amazement, the auto-drivers understood that I had been approved (maybe their experience in noticing similar techies by the number of folders being carried - went in with 2, came out with 1) and started congratulating me for the same (as if I had been victorious in some regal battle).

The actual reason was to be disclosed as soon as I told them my destination and will to hire one of them for commuting to the GH. The fares went sky-high. The demand for a measly 5 kms shot-up to INR 200 and not less. All my attempts to bargain turned futile as none of them agreed to take me as a passenger for less...

Somehow managed to get to the GH for INR 150 (bigger achievement this is than getting the approval)...

Came back to reality on 26th and am back to the grind for now... Next starts the quest for finding and grabbing the opportuinity to actually utilize the H1 and travel to the US on a long-term assignment.

Life @ Doldrums

Life’s a bitch, a hard task-master, an unending labyrinth where sorrows far outweigh joys, the pitfalls outnumber sweet surprises and friendships have a greater risk of turning to dead relationships or worse bitter enmities.

“Just when I was out, they pulled me right back in…” a quote from Godfather, explains how the beings of the world operate. Just when you think that life is getting along peacefully with no worries in the near distant future; life, people, circumstances, situations throw up a bouncer… Irony of life is that, it teaches you to handle the bouncers also, although it entirely depends how fast you learn.

God! Have mercy! Let your creatures enjoy a life of peace.

On other fronts - They say friendships made in college last a lifetime… Either the prophecy is wrong or the significance has been eroded in time… I say this still with the belief that I will be proved wrong…

Life moves on.

Let me take this opportunity to introduce KS (not the one I think you are guessing :) ). A batch-mate when I had joined the firm. She’s one sensible gal. Was in Munich for the last year and half. Returned to homeland last week. Saw snaps of the palaces / architectural wonders of Europe. Am amazed at the grandeur, the opulence...

Plan to give the GMAT this year. But to my utter disappointment, no dates are available as of now.

And so passes another week.

Sayonara - II

Sayonara - A hard word to utter for all souls on all departures (either permanent or temporary).

II - because I spoke it for the second time this year.

AB left for long term onsite deputation in January. Today, HS bid adieu as he joins his new job in Delhi from tomorrow...

Both - college buddies; first roomies - with whom I spent these 3 years away from home...

But, all's well in Timbuktu and hope I have some +ve blogs next time round...

Life's expected to be better...

Turmoil in wonderland

Lost a friend today... Not in a mood to say anything more right now.

Just wish that we are able to patch things up and continue the journey of life with fond memories of the cherished moments... and one day are able to rise above the nitty-gritty hassles of our existence and re-establish the bond of friendship...

This blog is dedicated to PC

Weekend @ Home

Every weekend since the past 3 years, I witnessed colleagues, friends in Bangalore visiting their homes for the weekend as if they are sleeping over @ a friends place for the night.

Hail the 'no-frills' airlines !!

It was because of them (rather SpiceJet in this case) that for the first time since I went into exile from my home-town that I was able to visit my family on the weekend in a similar fashion.

The trip was great. Met my maternal grandparents, my parents, my younger brother, cousins and an old friend of mine (RB). She was lost in time due to her getting busy after her marriage and me getting busy in building my career.

Feels like heaven to be around people you 'know'. Hope these trips can be repeated at greater frequency in the coming days...

Weekend blues

Sunday, sitting in office. Celebrating the end of another week in a techie's life @ the cyber-city of India - Bangalore.

Listening to 'Woh Lamhey' and composing this blog. What a life !!

Life, as I know it - is in a state of utter misconduct by self. Seems stagnant. Devoid of a motive. Shouldn't harbor such emotions but as they say - an empty mind's a devil's workshop.

Monday, the gas cylinder @ the flat conked-off ; To add fuel to fire, we (Me and my flat-mate HS) forgot the customer code required to book a new one. So started a long-forgotten hunt / scramble for dinner. 5 nights scavenging for outlets to gulp something down before hitting the sack.
Went to the gas outlet yesterday and booked one manually. Was supposed to be delivered today morning but...

Yesterday, HS left for Delhi for a job interview. Wish him the best to get a shift to our hometown. He was supposed to arrive yesterday night but the interview extended and so the flight left without him in it. Now, he's arriving on Monday morning...

So got another weekend of solitude... Frankly, used to enjoy the stints of loneliness in the yesteryears of my life, but now is a different story altogether... Maybe have undergone a psychological shift...

Visited my relatives yesterday... Had a simple home-cooked luncheon. Over-stayed and enjoyed an afternoon nap there too. Small things, but priceless for out-station beings like me.

Hope the next week is more eventful than this one. Going home for the weekend so should be fun.

Biking @ Nandi Hills

Saturday 18-Jun-2005, the day we rode to the scenic destination of Nandi Hills.

'We' - a group of enthusiastic techies who love riding bikes and nature.

Royal Enfield providing complimentary bikes for the trip ; Red Bull sponsoring the energy-drinks and 'fun-tainment' ; The zeal to break-free from the monotonous life of staring at the same screen day-in and day-out - all reasons for us whiz-zers to roam the roads in search of a subtle change ; a break ; and tranquility.

Started off by a mail on the company bulletin board, we became a group of 20-odd enthusiasts who stood outside the RE store on CMH Road @ 0730 hrs today to push-off for the excursion. Though the flag-off took place an hour later, the spirits remained high in anticipation...

Driving via MG Road, passing the Bangalore Golf Course, the Le Meridien ; crossing the Hebbal flyover and continuing on the Bellary road, we made our first stop en-route Yelahanka at a location where the road was still under construction.
The refreshment stop gave us an opportunity to relax in the company of our co-bikers. Also, gave us all an opportunity to try our hand at some 'Biker-games'. The game was to pick up a can of Red-Bull, with your hands, placed in the middle of the road while still riding your bikes (similar to the horse-back sport of plucking pegs from the ground)...

Made a couple of attempts on my Unicorn, but every time the hand used to skim off the top of the can; the RE riders had a higher conversion rate of attempts to lifts (Attributed to the low-seating of the bike, solely). The game in itself became a traffic-stopper to the extent that we were forced to push-on by a traffic cop manning the highway...

With no other untoward incident or stoppages the group moved on to it's destination through the picturesque drive through Karnataka's country-side. Nandi Hill isn't famous for anything in particular ; but the vast expanse of land visible from the top of the hill ; the cool breeze blowing in the middle of the afternoon ; the idyllic spots to just lay down and be one with nature for a moment ; make it a must-see for one and all...
Besides this, you have a steep drop on the hill known as the Tipu-drop - believed to the location from where executions used to take place in the Tipu-era...

The drive-to took us approximately 2 hours ; we stayed there for about 4 hours till 1430 hrs. The drive-from there wasn't all that bad too and the group covered the distance in the same time.

The RE's gave an average of 35-40 kmpl; pretty decent for a 350-cc engine. The riding comfort is excellent and the engine just purrrs upto 100 kmph with no-effort at all... Not trying to hard-sell the bike but just expressing the 'royal'-ness you experience when you drive one of those bikes.

The end of the first group-trip on bikes was an extreme joy and we concluded the event with the hope that we would be able to organize many more excursion trips to other locations and have as much fun as we did this time round...